Here is the weaponry: Spatula, Fork, Tongs, Brush w/bottle opener, and Grill Brush. 

On the right is a garden variety spatula. On the left is a REAL spatula, one to be revered.

Here is a real silly BBQ basting bottle.
WITH NIFTY BRUSH!!

And with a spatula of such size, it is easy to fend off any would-be meat thieves.

(This bit of equipment is optional)